Bones Three-Wood's long, intricate, and sad backstory is so well thought-out and definitely written in advance that just hearing it will make you cry your kidneys out of your eyes. Leading from the prow, Bones only sails in the most dangerous waters, always emerging victorious and laden with booty. Or he would, if he still had a crew. Now he spends his days guarding the southern gate of the Briny Shelf. He sings songs to remind him of better days, when loot, love, and life seemed to last forever.